Obama claims that rising gas prices are a sign of an improving economy
yep, things are always better when they are more expensive
which means obama may well be THE GREATEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY
Whitney houston died this week.
Governor Chris Christy announced that flags in New Jersey
were to be flown at half staff.
In a strange twist her funeral will be broadcast live on the internet.
It is rumored that this will be her best performance in years!
Also it was rumored that north korean leader kim jon un had been assassinated this week
but that rumor was quickly resolved after checking the illinois voter register
where they did not find kim as a registered democrat voter, which means he is not dead.
however their was a lady named whitney houston
dhs intercepted thousands of unsafe hair-dryers coming across the mexican border.
Hey um janet, thats not exactly the kind of blow we need you to stop coming across the border!
obama said this week that he did not know how bad the economy was going to be.
as a matter of fact he underestimated the budget deficit by 138%
and recently congress had to again raise our debt ceiling to over 16 trillion
but obama said not to worry, he had a hot stock tip about a new solar company
Obama wants to cut our nuclear arsenal by 80%,
which would mean we will have less weapons than china
but it really doesnt matter because at this point any nukes we bought
would be paid for with chinese money
and besides a chinese nuclear warhead would probably just break the first time they used it
On MONDAY obama announced his truth team.
Their first task was to clear up the matter regarding obamas birth certificate
in a related story -
on TUESDAY obama signed an executive order dissolving his truth team.
Joy bahair on the view said it is wrong to make women
view an ultrasound of a baby in their uteris before an abortion.
Joy you should see how awful it is to see your uteris from our perspective!
a native american tribe in nebraska is suing beer manufacturers for making them alcoholics. Sueing beer companies for their alcohol problems is like Rosie O'Donnel sueing silverware companies for her weight problem.
LA county has outlawed playing with toys on their beaches
and is issuing a $1000 fine for violaters.
Nobody has been issued a citation yet because
they are all too high from their legal marajuana to organize a game of frisbee.
They would rather stay home and play gears of war on their xbox
It was announced this week that last year the fcc provided 1.6 billion dollars
in free cell phone service to low income familes.
But since recent studies have shown a realtionship between cell phones and cancer
michelle obama has decided to replace the phones with something more healthy.
So now all poor people will be required to communicate
by actually walking down to the corner to buy drugs with their WELFARE checks!
No comments:
Post a Comment